Let's do the time warp again...

I was all excited. When last I posted, I was being more reflective, and taking charge of a busy life. I was going to recover. I was no longer going to be a workaholic. I was going to have it all.

And then I realized, in order have it all - to have more balance, and to have all of these amazing life experiences that I had sought in moving 2000 miles away from my family, friends, and comfort zone, that I needed time. Of course, time was the one thing I didn't have...

(back story: due to some unforeseen circumstances, I had an insane amount of classes last year (7 classes, to be exact), on top of 3 part time jobs.)

When I realized that no amount of earthly goods would ever make up for the fact that I was so far beyond stressed out, had developed every awful character trait I despised in people because my stress level was so high I couldn't control my brain, and thus had realized that quite literally, my ability to function as a human being was severely compromised, I made a decision. I put my head down, and put blinders on, and prayed and gave every ounce of everything I had in me to finish the year. Not finish, but just to survive the year. To remain breathing and capable of reporting grades and driving too and from work. And matching my clothes. I wasn't asking for much. I certainly wasn't asking to reach any of my lofty goals of improving myself and conquering long-standing character deficiencies.

Well, I survived.

I almost didn't.

I know, I am an overachiever, I am a perfectionist, I am too hard on myself. It wasn't that bad, I just made it that bad. I'm a workaholic, after all. I've heard all of those things too many times before.

But see, it was that bad.

It wasn't the students - each and every single one of them were the reasons I continued to show up each day. They were my high points.

It wasn't my school - I have wonderful colleagues, who were continuously supportive of me.

I think every "addict" hits a point of rock bottom - you can only keep up the steam for so long, only go on autopilot for so many miles before you really have to look and see the big wall you are about to crash into. WE ALL CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH.

Last year was my rock bottom. This year is my climb back.

I have so many cool teaching things to share - changes I have made and new tricks and lessons and ideas! Wait, I know, but it's work related?!?! That's because before anything else, I have to repair my broken relationship with my job, before I can find that balance that I am looking for.

Next post: changes in grading... and numerous pig analogies.